Immortal Phoenix
by heatqueen
Summary: When a phoenix dies it rises from its ashes and is reborn again. I realised I was a lone being. There was no place for me in this world. I was unable to die, but could never be allowed to survive amongst humans. Post-X3 fic.
1. Chapter 1

**Immortal Phoenix**

**Chapter 1**

I woke up in the remains of a war zone. I was not in any pain but it took me a moment to realise that something was extremely out of the ordinary.

Opening my eyes, I stared around at the ruins. It was apparent that some time had passed. An attempt had been made to clean up the area because it certainly didn't look as bad as it did the last time I saw this place, but everything was still in disarray, as if a whirlwind had picked everything up off the floor, chucked it in the air and let it fall to the ground. There were potholes in the ground, and dirt and scorch marks everywhere. A faint stench hung in the air and I wrinkled my nose – it reminded me of death.

Then a thought hit me that caused me to panic.

_I did this._

'NO!' I cried out, and I stood up and ran, anything to get away from this place, anything to drown out the memory of being possessed by the Phoenix and made to hurt many hundreds of people with my lack of control. In front of my eyes I saw flashes of fire and many bodies and objects being lifted off the ground. A figure moving towards me, his skin being ripped off but growing back far too rapidly to be considered normal. Then, just as soon as I started, I stopped in my tracks, stumbling in the process.

Where would I go?

I realised that it didn't matter, because all I wanted was to kill myself so that no one else would get hurt.

_Wait…isn't that supposed to have already happened?_

The memory of Logan – no, Wolverine – thrusting his adamantium claws into my body was clear as day. I remembered the excruciating pain _(Blissful relief, it was over, the Phoenix wouldn't be able to control me anymore…) _as blood began pouring from my body and my life slipped away.

One hand slid underneath my top and tentatively caressed my stomach. There wasn't a single mark.

Impossible…

I dropped to my knees. This wasn't supposed to happen. As I'd lain trapped by the Phoenix force during the Alcatraz battle, I had held onto the one hope that Logan _(no, Wolverine, because Logan would never be able to do it)_ would come for me and save me from myself. His claws were supposed to have killed me. And now – _damn it,_ now that hope was gone, meaning the Phoenix was still here and could still hurt other people.

At that thought my heart rate increased and I could feel my control slipping. Some ruins started to tremble around me, and I gasped for air, trying to stop what was happening.

_NO! There will be no repeats! The Phoenix will die this time!_

The trembling stopped.

Somewhere in my mind a new thought arose, and I shuddered as I realised it was not my own.

_When a Phoenix dies it rises from its ashes and is reborn again._

I jumped in shock. Sad thing is, it was so, so logical. It was common knowledge that Phoenixes were creatures of rebirth. Why, why had it taken me so long to figure out that it would take more than simply killing my body to get the Phoenix to cease to exist?

It would be pointless trying to kill myself again. I would only end up causing myself unnecessary agony and then coming back to life.

I felt a heavy weight on my heart. Tears fell from my eyelids, dampening the ground before me. I curled up in a tight ball and rocked myself back and forth, crying out loud for someone to come and save me, anything so that I could escape this fate. No one was in the vicinity to hear me – not that they could help if they were. Even Cerebro wouldn't find me, not now that there was no telepath to control it.

I allowed myself ten minutes – rather, an approximation of. I wasn't sure what time of day it was, only that it was day time and the weather was warm. Once I deemed that my time was up, I wiped my face and choked back my sobs. I was a messed up woman, but I was a very practical messed up woman who needed a plan.

I briefly considered returning to the mansion but quickly tossed the idea aside. There was no way I was putting myself back in the vicinity of the people who I had once considered friends, who the Phoenix had ended up hurting, who could very well end up getting hurt again. They probably wouldn't even want me near them anyway, if they knew I was alive. They would never believe that I was back to being myself again.

I took a moment to mourn this loss. I had had such great people in my life, and now it was time to give them up for the greater good. Leaving them, I decided, was the last good thing I could do for them after all the damage I'd caused.

I didn't feel good about blending in with society either. Wherever I went there would be more people to hurt, and I didn't think I would be able to handle more numbers being added to my death toll.

I realised I was a lone being. There was no place for me in this world. I was unable to die, but could never be allowed to survive amongst humans.

So there was only one option left.

**A/N: What do you think? Is it okay? Worth continuing? Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Immortal Phoenix**

**Chapter 2**

'Well I have to hand it to her, she's strong,' Logan said to Ororo. 'When I was testing the limits of her ability she managed to completely paralyse me. Had this been a real fight, I would have been down in a heartbeat.'

The office which had once belonged to Professor Charles Xavier had now been reallocated to Ororo, following his decease. It still looked very much like it used to, with its wooden floor, desk, a few armchairs and a book case, though a few of Ororo's personal touches were also there. She had decorated the desk with some African monuments from her childhood, and a photo of the original X-Men team, including the professor, Scott and Jean. The photo was one of her favourites.

'Marie said she was a tough retrieval too,' Ororo agreed. 'Her mind was everywhere. She did not want to give in at all.'

In the time that had passed since Alcatraz, Ororo had taken over the running of the school, meaning her place on the X-Men team had become part time. Nowadays, retrievals were more frequently made by the younger X-Men members – firstly Rogue and Iceman, but it wasn't long before more students were trained enough to join them.

'What's her story?'

'Realised her ability at twelve. Was never taught how to use it well, was instead rejected for being a mutant, and used her ability to manipulate the minds of everyone else into thinking they adored her and that she was a hero for having her powers.'

Logan raised an eyebrow. 'That much from a twelve year old?'

'She was fourteen by then. It took her a while to work out how to do it. Needless to say, because she convinced people to love her so much, she ended up becoming quite spoiled by the attention they gave her.'

'Explains the attitude.'

'Indeed.'

'Do you think she would be able to use Cerebro?' asked Logan.

Ororo shrugged. It really would be handy having someone who could use Cerebro. Without a strong enough telepath it had become much harder to make retrievals. This girl – Anna Maria Parker – had only been found because her situation had made it into the news. At fifteen years old her telepathic ability had become so strong that she had started to lose control. In her fear she had begun to mentally attack those around her. One day at school she had managed to leave an entire room full of students and their teacher unconscious, all without moving.

'Times like this I really miss Jean,' said Ororo. 'She would have been the perfect person to teach Anna control.'

_Or lack of,_ thought Logan. It was a cruel statement, one which he did not want to think and most definitely was not going to say.

His mind replayed the moment when Jean had woken up in the medlab after being retrieved from Alkali Lake. The barriers in her mind had been destroyed by the sheer force of power she'd used to save the jet while keeping the huge volumes of water away. Logan had never seen Jean look more powerful than in that moment. The whole time he'd known her she'd portrayed a sweet and understated personality, never overusing or showing off her abilities. But at Alkali Lake her eyes had burned with energy as she used the most power in one go that she'd ever used.

The power had come at a price. The Phoenix had taken over, drowning Jean's personality with an outgoing, careless and fierce persona. She had been so dominant that now Logan questioned whether Jean really would have been the best person to teach control, when she'd had so little of it herself.

'Thing is, there are times when Anna is in control, and times when she's not,' Logan said instead. 'Back in the danger room she managed to paralyse me, but then her thoughts started going haywire and her power was all over the place. Then she started to panic which didn't help things. And because I couldn't move I had a real tough time trying to get her to calm down enough to control herself.'

'All in good time. At least she's among mutants now. Strange things happen here all the time so she'll be able to learn a good lesson or two. Jean would have given her a good long lecture on the ethics of mind control.'

Jean would have, Logan thought, before she'd been taken over by the Phoenix.

_But Jean isn't here anymore._

His eyes wandered to the window, which had a perfect view of the Phoenix memorial statue.

**A/N: How am I doing? Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Immortal Phoenix**

**A/N: I will get back to Jean eventually, I just need to do this first and then Jean will be in the next chapter.**

**Chapter 3**

Anna stared bitterly around her new bedroom. She was sharing a room with a mutant called Sophia, a blonde girl who she'd only caught sight of once throughout the entire week she'd been here. Sophia's ability was invisibility, which was probably why.

This was fine as far as Anna was concerned. The first day, Sophia had completely blown her off. Anna had tried to tell her about her amazing telepathic abilities, only for Sophia to say that she was no different from anyone else here because they all had powers. So Anna had moved onto her next tactic, altering Sophia's mind, only to find that Sophia had moved out of her sight and Anna could no longer locate her, never mind change her.

_I'll get her one day,_ Anna thought. _Then she'll see how great I am._

The two halves of the room were completely different. Anna's half was immaculate. The bed was made, clothes folded neatly, there was no mess and few decorations. Sophia's half was the teenage version of a war zone. Her rainbow duvet was scrunched halfway down her bed, and clothes were strewn all over it. Books, papers, stationery – you name it – cluttered her desk and her lamp was left on (or had been – Anna was extremely quick to turn it off whenever she came in). Abstract paintings and photographs of animals were plastered across the bit of wall above the bed.

Anna exerted her mind and lifted all of Sophia's clothes off the bed. She folded them neatly and let them float gently into a pile. Sophia would scold her later for ruining her 'organised mess' but Anna didn't care. Sophia's parents actually loved her, which was a lot more than Anna could say about hers.

She felt two minds coming down the corridor outside. They were minds that she was already familiar with – the lady with white hair and dark skin who ran the school, Ororo Monroe, and the guy with the claws, Logan. Reading their thoughts, she knew that they were coming for her.

_NO!_ she thought, sending out a force field in their direction. She was shocked to find that the force field was blocked. She sent another one, stronger than the last, and then a third. She could feel the pressure in her mind building up and tried to release it but realised she didn't know how. She dropped to her knees, trembling, knowing that she'd pushed herself beyond the limits of her control.

Then she collapsed, unconscious.

She woke up in the medlab with a sense of déjà vu. Last week, after the huge showdown at her school, she had woken up in a similar way: tired, groggy, and the distinct feeling that she might have unintentionally hurt someone.

It was quiet except for the sound of a low breeze of air conditioning. Anna sensed Ororo's mind somewhere close by, as well as a couple of strange ones. She had been told, on her first day, the story about the late Jean Grey, a formidable woman who used to run the medlabs. Through the students here and through news footage, she now knew the tragic story of how Jean had been overcome by the Phoenix. It was said that a fellow teacher had had no choice but to kill her, but that might have just been a rumour.

Apparently since her absence the running of the medlabs had become a shared job between less experienced people. There were a few mutants pursuing med school who were often on hand to help out, and these changed frequently depending on who was available when. There were also mutants with abilities which could help people medically.

Not that it mattered, since Anna wanted to be anywhere but here. Using her powers she blocked the minds she could sense so they would not notice her leaving. When she was out, she made her way back up to the main part of the mansion. Some students were milling around, probably on their way to a class or something, but she didn't recognise any of them.

Then she spotted the opportunity to have a bit of fun.

A boy rounded the corner. He was alone, but Anna's eyes were instantly drawn to him. Smirking she transmitted a few waves in his direction.

He turned around and faced her.

'Hey, good looking,' said Anna.

The boy's mouth dropped as he caught sight of her appearance and Anna beamed at him. Long, black hair fell over her shoulders and her blue, crystal like eyes batted towards him. She smiled, revealing perfectly white, straight teeth, and beckoned him with a finger. He followed, completely unaware of anything except for how beautiful she was. All of his incentive to get to his lesson was gone – in fact, he forgot about the lesson altogether.

He followed her to her bedroom where she welcomed him in and locked the door behind them. He was quick to advance on her and she captured his lips in a kiss. Now that was so much better than being rejected for her abilities.

_I bet Sophia doesn't get any men like I do._

The boy's hand found its way underneath her shirt. Anna gasped with pleasure at the feeling of skin to skin contact. At her old school people had refused to come near her – but no longer! Since she had learned to control the minds of others, no one would ever shrink away in fear again.

Someone was banging on her door, and to her annoyance she could hear the voices of Ororo and Logan yelling at her to let them in. She cursed them for trying to ruin her fun and kept working her magic on the boy.

The next thing she knew, her door had been broken down, and Logan pounced on her all too quickly for her to have the time to react. At the same time Ororo grabbed the boy and yanked him away from her.

'Get off me!' Anna cried out, struggling against Logan, but he was way too strong for her.

'Not until you stop using your powers,' he replied angrily. Catching a scathing glance across the room she could see that ororo's eyes had turned white. Somewhere, thunder was growling.

'You never, NEVER use your ability for things like this!' Ororo – no, Storm because she was unleashing her wrath – raged.

'Leave me alone –'

'I told you, not until you cut it out!' Logan repeated.

Anna growled in humiliation and released her hold on the boy. He looked around, dazed, and then turned bright red.

'What the –' he spluttered.

'David, go back to your room,' said Ororo. 'I need to talk to Anna.'

When the boy was safely out of the way Ororo stood in front of Anna, who was still being restrained by Logan.

'Let me go,' Anna demanded.

'Anna, you cannot continue to use your abilities like this,' said Ororo, who then felt a brush on her mind. 'And don't try to manipulate me, I spent enough time living with Jean Grey to know how to block you out.'

'I will use my abilities however I want,' Anna spat.

'You must learn that there is right and wrong concerning your abilities. You must not use them to manipulate people who haven't done you any wrong.'

'The world has done me wrong.'

'You're the one who is doing the world wrong, Anna. You can be accepted by other people, but only if you start doing what is right.'

'Leave me alone! This is the only way I'll ever be accepted!'

'I really hope you change your outlook one day,' Ororo said. 'I don't believe you are a bad person, just a hurt one. Logan, let's go. We are done here.'

They exited, leaving a very shocked Anna staring at where they'd just been. She curled her hand into a fist.

_Why won't they just leave me alone?_

__**A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed! Your feedback is appreciated!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Immortal Phoenix**

**Chapter 4**

The doctor's office felt unfamiliar compared to the spacious medlabs I was used to. It was small and stuffy, only serving the purpose of dealing with small medical issues, not the enormous amounts of genetic research I'd used to do.

I sat in the waiting room, disguised with my newly dyed black hair and round glasses. Today was a busy day, and it had taken some pushing in order to get an appointment at such short notice.

Five other people also sat in the room. They were all here for the same reason as me.

A female doctor came out and summoned one of them. A short man, whose physical appearance, like mine, appeared quite ordinary, rose and followed her. Like me, though, he wasn't ordinary on the inside. I briefly wondered what it was about him that caused him to feel so desperate that he would succumb to coming to a place like this.

_To treat such an important part of him as if it's a disease,_ I thought vehemently. _And yet, I am doing the same thing. He, like me, must feel that he has no choice._

Five minutes later the man returned, grinning with happiness, spluttering his thanks as he signed off some form and left. I wondered if I would experience the same feeling of joy when it was my turn.

In the back of my mind I felt uneasy. The Phoenix had stirred and was watching very carefully. She made no move, nor did she speak, which was worrying because it meant she was thinking.

'Jacqueline Sanders,' called the doctor.

I rose and followed her. I couldn't have used my real name because it was far too well known for it not to be recognised. Since awakening I had heard the words 'Jean Grey' pass the lips of the occasional person in casual conversation. I was the geneticist who turned traitor on the X-Men. Who had incredible amounts of power. Who had to be killed by her own team before she destroyed the world. Who was possessed.

Jean Grey was known to the world. Jacqueline Sanders was an anonymous woman.

The room was tiny, with two chairs, a small, square desk and a shelf full of bottles of liquid. The doctor opened a drawer and brought out a syringe. I felt a tingle of excitement as she filled it with liquid from one of the bottles. Very soon, it would all be over, and I could be left in peace.

'Are you sure?' the doctor asked. 'The cure is irreversible.'

I nodded.

But just as she pinched my skin, and raised the syringe to deliver the jab, I felt a tug in my mind, and before I knew it I was out of my seat against my own will. I could feel my eyes heating up, my skin burning with energy. Bottles and needles flew everywhere and the doctor fell hard into the desk. The window smashed open and the Phoenix jumped out, taking me with her, and ran for her life.

I fought to try and regain control but, just like always, the Phoenix was far too strong for me. She didn't let me stop until we were far, far away from the doctor's office, so far that when I finally managed to break through I doubled over, gasping for breath from having run so far.

I cursed loudly. Was there no end to the Phoenix winning? Was she never to be destroyed, would she never leave me alone?  
_ Did you think it would be so simple?_ the Phoenix asked me. _Did you think I would sit back and let you take the cure that would rip me from your body? As if I would let you do that._

'Why are you here?' I demanded. 'Why won't you leave me alone?'

_You really don't get it, do you?_ the Phoenix smirked. _It isn't just a simple case of my leaving. You see, I am as much a part of you as you are a part of me. You didn't get the cure because deep down you didn't truly want it. You wanted out, and so you ran._

'It's not true!' I argued. 'I want that cure more than anything!'

_Part of you does. But there is another part of you that thirsts for power, isn't there…?_

**A/N: Please review! It would make my day!**


End file.
